Sheila / Polly McMullen
Will be thinking about you tomorrow Sheila. know Kenneth will be
surrounding you with his love. Hugs Polly Close

Sending you Hugs  / Billie (Moms friend )
Sheila and Lanier I hope the next few days are as gentle as possible on you both. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers. I hope Kenneth lets you know he is close by your side even if it takes a skunk to let you see. I know he loves and misses you so very much. You are such a wonderful person nobody should have to know this pain. Hugs to you both.

Love
Billie Close

Almost your birthday  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Buddy/Fan)
Good Morning Buddy,
    It's about 2 a-m as I get in from work and finally get warm.. been raining and cold all night.. YOUR kind of weather :) Still not mine though. It does make me think of you... so many things do every day.
   In a few days you'd have been 19.. planning out college... and me getting to share the joy of giving you a real future... now all those dreams seem but wisps of clouds... all blown away.
  I'd go through anything right now to have you back. It's just so wrong that you bury your children. Even goes against nature.
   I just wanted to share a few words and thoughts with you son... I'm sure you know them before I do but writing them down to you helps me at least.  Rock on Buddy!!  Lanier Close

hello / Sarah Lawson
i just wanted to say that i visited this site... rest peacefully, kenneth. Close

Another morning.. another day without you  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Friend/Fan)
Hey Buddy,
   About 6 a-m as I wake and just had to leave you something as you're leaving me things to remember every day. I know there's really nothing I can do for you personally except cherish the memories but I feel you'd have wanted me to do more in the world.. make a difference ... help those who can't help themselves.. rescue at least one child... Those are my goals for the memory and legacy of you ... as you most surely did and would have continued yourself.
    Trudy is getting married here Saturday and to make you a part of it will be releasing a ton of baloons at the end of it. Every one will have words from the heart to you... I know you'll be there.. just their love for you would bring you if nothing else did.
     Still got so much to do here both in unpacking and getting this place in a little order but making some headway. I'm sure it's nothing like the Mansion of Music you rock to the stars with in heaven but someday we'll share that home with you too.
    I'll try and get your tree this weekend or at least by Wednesday... Will be a lot of prayers said for the life of that tree because it was planted in memory of you. I hate to even move it but sure not gonna let them bulldose it down. Buddy our home.. the one you grew up in will one day be a string of subdivided yankee cloned houses.. none with any character.. none with any thought except of re-sale value.. all houses.. no homes.. Forgive me for allowing this tragedy to happen. It's a decision I have to live with now but it surely wasn't how I'd have wanted it to be. How do you replace tree's that are the background of pictures of you and Kayla when you were kids? you can't. ..  Guess no one see's that but me.... but that's ok.. they'll have to live with it in their own hell.
    Your granny fell twice lately Buddy but no real damage.. although she's having trouble walking.. Sure did miss you helping me get her up like the only time you were late for work because of it. You totally understood... any other time you'd have given me hell for not taking you to work. You were such a conciencious employee.. no wonder Kroger pulled out all the stops for you at the funeral.... and no they still haven't forgotten. You had such great friends everywhere and I can count mine on one hand. But they are true friends and will be a lifetime. Just like you I don't throw people away because they're a little different... I'm pretty different myself and I had one of the most unique and precious sons the world ever got to know.. I just wish I'd gotten to know him a little more :(
    Well son it's about sunrise.. better get busy doing something. I miss you so much and love you 100 times as much as I once thought I did. This isn't the world I imagined when you were born but it's the world I've been flung into . I'm sure there's a reason and God better have answers :)  No one takes you from me and I just let it go with an ok.  It's NOT ok...   Love you forever Buddy.. Rock on!! Your Dad
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3:30 a-m.. thinking of you Buddy  / Lanier Akins (Dad/friend/ biggest fan )
Good Morning Buddy,
   Been a while since I wrote and just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. The missing doesn't get any easier son.. it's like my whole future got crushed in that car.. but I know you want me to make a difference somehow and I'll try not to let you down.
  It's still hectic here... many things still in boxes but gradually getting moved in.. aclimated.. even got some nice neighbors but you know.. nothing like the people I grew up with on Shadburn road and 306. Will always be a part of me and you both back there but I can hold on to the memories at least.
  Still haven't started getting your room together although your picture and things are all over the walls and such. You're on the wall.. both sides as you come in the front door.. and you're above the fireplace mantle.. you're here.. there... everywhere but most of all in the heart where no one can take you away.
   I can't say as I did that many good works in life but the best one I ever did was having you for a son. You blessed me.. this family... everyone you touched.
   I wish you could see Ozzy and Izzy now. They've grown into some pretty healthy bulldogs. Named Ozzy for you and both our shared interest in Ozzy Osbourne and his music. Izzy just fit the other name.. poor thing :) 
   Can still hear you playing "Iron Man" that day when I thought your stereo was loud.. but it was you! I was soooooo proud and impressed.. my heart was going YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! That's my son that did that :)
   There's so many things I miss about you.. most of all being my friend.. you were more than a son... absolutely my best friend on earth. 
   Hope the Mansion Of Music is Rockin' tonite and I feel your presence with me rocking my heart too.. Fill me with your sweet melodies... your love.. your warm loving smile.  Missing you so much.. Your Dad, Friend and Biggest fan on earth.
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Spending 1 a-m with my Buddy  / Lanier Akins (Dad,Friend, Fan )
Hey Buddy,
    Visited you today... lit your candle...very somber time as I try to tune in on your wave-length just to hear. The song by REM "What's the frequency Kenneth?" comes to mind.
  I watched the movie "White Noise" twice with you in mind.. didn't even know about EVP til I heard about the movie.. but now I know and will be checking into it.
   It was the kind of movie we'd both have loved watching together. It made me feel closer to you in a way because I feel like there might be a way to finally get through to the other side and have a talk with my son.
    Been a real stressful time for me son... with moving and all.. I'd be afraid to count how many boxes are still full and you know most of it may end up in the trash because if we haven't used it by now we probably never will.
    Haven't gotten to doing your room yet but you'll be proud of it when I'm done. Already as you come in the door the guitar Stanley crafted for you is right there... your Scetch above on the wall.. If I were Michelangelo I'd have you painted  on the ceiling all 30 ft up to the top of the foyer :)  As it is I don't even know how I'm gonna change those bulbs yet and just a little shy of tall ladders right now. Back is much better... just my nerves are shot.
   I miss the old place a lot. All my memories of you are there but they say home is where the heart is so I know I'm always home with you... no matter where.
    I still hate night shift but I'm still there doing it... had to see how the back was gonna do before I left. I don't know when that'd be... the moving took so much out of me it's all I can do to make it from one week to the next.. then collapse the weekend.. but getting better.
     I just wanted you to know tonight that you're never out of my thoughts or far from the heart. You made me the proudest dad in the world and I still am so very proud of you! It's me that needs the extra bit of polishing :) You were already a diamond with that bright Elvis smile.
    Well son.. gonna go for now.. try to get sleepy so I can work Monday night.. This is a tough job in a way.. a lot of things in life are tough.. and hard.. but nothing was ever harder than losing you.   I look forward to hearing from you soon!!!  Your Dad, Your Friend, and Biggest Fan!
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Lighting your candle at dawn  / Lanier Akins (Dad & Fan )
Good morning Buddy,
    Lighting your candle.. hope you can see it and feel the love from it flowing from my heart through the flames.
   4th was a sad one because I remember how much fun we used to have setting the fireworks off. Remember when we lit a string of 100 crackers on top of your moms window a/c unit? :)  Even once just outisde the bedroom door.. but not as many. Those were good times Buddy.
    It was such a joy to see you set that first rocket off... then I started letting you light them all.. that was my joy right there... you were so excited and happy to do it yourself.
    Still got your rockets and mortars put away. I guess they'll stay as is forever unless I light one now and then from your grave on a special occasion. I might get arrested for it but I won't tell if you won't :)
     It's just now getting dawn buddy... with the night shift as the sun rises the body goes down and I'm pretty tired but glad I can still work.
   Your mom tells me I could quit but you know I still have a little pride in making my own money and just because we're ahead now doesn't mean we always will be.
    Moved quite a bit of stuff to the other house yesterday.. U-haul full..  kinda like driving a toy after climbing out of a Semi but was big enough to get a lot of the smaller things.
   Still got so much to move and still pretty depressed about leaving my real home.. Our home.. yours and mine..  That land over there doesn't mean a damn thing to me and never will. But  I'll make the best of it... Guess I got no choice.  I never did really... 
   I'd rather be with you if that were possible.. This world just doesn't mean a whole lot to me right now because you're not in it.
   They say as time passes it gets easier.. but it doesn't.. not for me.. worse if anything. At least now I can sit here today and type without tears but they're flowing even deeper in the heart. Somethings been taken that can never be replaced in a million years.
    All the condolences here are appreciated so much but they can't bring you back and they take away none of the pain but.. at least someone cares.... people we don't even know care because they're suffering the same loss and no one that's never endured this kind of loss can truly understand. I know I didn't until it happened to me personally. Hell on earth is an understatement to the facts at hand.
    A special note to Darren C. Boyde while I'm here.... Go to hell if you're not already there. I KNOW you killed my son in your negligence and as much as I'd love to put you in Hell myself I'll leave it to the Lord to take care of the trash. The cops may let you off with vehicular homicide and cover your ass but you and I will meet one day and you won't like what I've got to say and I just pray you walk away alive.
     Well son it's late... even late for me but I had to reach out to you before I went to sleep. You know this world and the people in it can take away everything I have and most of it has been.. but they can never take away my memories of you... God bless you and sleep the sleep of angels...  Your Dad, Friend and biggest fan! Close

THINKING OF YOU ON THE 4 TH OF JULY  / Delia Allan's Mum
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Son / Sheila Angel Kenneth's Mom
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An early morning greeting to my Buddy  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Friend/Fan)
Good Morning Buddy,
     Got off a little early tonight.. about 2:30 a-m as I write. Well son I guess we'll be moving soon... got all the papers signed yesterday. I made it ok considering I worked all night and had about 2 hours sleep at the closing but the hardest part is yet to come.. when we make that final trip up this drivewway never to return.
    I guess a lot of people would say we're lucky to have a nice house now with everything all paid off but that expression "there's no place like home"... well this is home... This will always be home to me just like you'll always be my son and always in my heart. Not even a castle gleaming with  gold spires could impress me much right now without you.
     It just rips my heart out we couldn't have given you this new house.. your new room.. and anything you wanted in it anyway you wanted it done.  Who know's... I may even be happy there at times but my soul and heart are here with you.. where you grew up... where the REAL memories are.  The other is but a fancy box to put your stuff in and it will never truly be the space you grew up in and occupied. You can move "stuff" but you can't move a heart and you can't move memories that can never be replaced anywhere else.
     I guess maybe you'd be happy for us but Buddy it just doesn't seem right at all.. it never will. Nothings ever gonna seem right without you taking part in it. My whole world has changed forever and I'll never ever get it back. No amount of prayer can bring you back and that's about the only thing God can do for me to make me happy again.. He won't... and I'm kinda bitter about having to settle for anything less than you. Perhaps he could even give me peace of mind... they say he can do all things but he sure couldn't protect you that day of the accident could he?  Yeah I still got a few issues to work out with God myself son. Maybe with your help from heaven my heart can be changed to one that isn't so bitter and finds some joy in the living years I was granted with you but I'll be damned if it's ever gonna make any sense to me.  No one or anything could have cursed me more than I have been the last 2 years and I feel real sorry for the person that stands in my way as I grieve.. .regret.. second guess.. and grasp for straws that make sense of it all.
     No your life sure wasn't a waste but your death was the biggest waste of all. I carry a lot of responsibility for that.. a lot of things could and should have been differently to avoid that but they weren't. Everything seemed fine but they weren't.
    Some people wanna live forever and many times I shared that same kind of feeling with you but now.... death can't come soon enough if it brings me to your side. I just don't care about much else except making the best of each day and reaching you as soon as I can.
   Well buddy.. gonna try to get sleepy here if I can. Got a whole lot to do and little time to do it in and work too.
    Things may get better... and they may get worse...
       But not much is gonna bother me.. until I too am in that hearse..
    Heaven is just a breath away.... and so are you....
      And the time to meet you ... is long overdue.
   We'll play Nirvana so loud it rocks the pits of Hell....
       We'll bang our heads and give a rebel Yell...
     But most of all we'll be together again.... you and I...
       That's all I pray for.. When I die.
  God bless you.. and Hold you.... and yes your candle is burning bright! I love you son! Close

Sending all my love at Dawn  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Friend/Fan)
Good morning Buddy,
     Got off a little early last night for a change and wanted to spend a little time sending you my love before I went to sleep. Still miss you so much... would  be seeing you passing through about now raiding the fridge.
      I still see so many images... so much of you is still with me.. more than anyone could ever know. There was only one you and you were mine.. you made me so proud to be called father.
     No one in this world can ever give me a finer gift than I had in you and any gift after is just a poor substitute of what I really want and need.. You!
    Some of the pain has passed... some of the shock.. and some of the pain is deeper than it ever was.. especially now.  Soon everything I could go outside and look at and see you in them will be all gone. That's a bitter pill to swallow after seeing you in every part of this place for so long. No other place will be home of course.. not even the finest castle in the land will pay proper tribute to you in the ways I can see and feel you here.
   Maybe a change will be good in the long run but I kinda doubt it. Still I'll try to trust in God and you that his will and your plans are being carried forward to the best of my abilities.
    Rest easy my precious son... let me rest with you... then let's rock the foundations of Heaven itself with Heavy Metal and Blues
     Can't wait to see and be with you again.. This journey on earth seems such a chore now and nowhere seems a good place without you in it. Something's always missing and that something is you.
    I'll never be the same nor would I want to be. People can deal with my grief or not.. doesn't really matter to me. I'll always put you foremost in my thoughts, heart and deeds. God bless you... and God help me. Goodnight for now... Rock on Buddy!!! Close

Just Leaving for work and wanted to give you a hug  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Friend/Fan)
Hey Buddy,
    Just waking here at about 3 pm.... soon be time to go to work but you were heavy on my mind and wanted to stop in here and leave all my love with you. Seems like only yesterday you'd be getting ready now yourself to work at Kroger.... how I wish I were still taking you there and picking you up at night.
   Seems all the things I helped you with ended up getting you killed... my very worst nightmare coming true. I was so happy about your job.. the pride you took in it... your car.. the pride you took in your newfound independence... now I wonder... can't help but wonder what I could have done better that would have avoided this tragedy.
    For one thing no 16 /17 year old kid just isn't ready for the traffic of this area we live in. I grew up here and I hate every time I go down the road and get cut off by some rich import Yankee Yuppie in their big-assed SUV tank/ Hummer/ or huge Truck that wasn't bought to haul anything but their fat sorry speeding spoiled ass in.  These things are car crushers... killers of the poor.. no matter who's at fault... there is no way a normal car can take their kind of impact.
   This man that hit you is little more than a murderer to me. All the evidence points to him being speeding and negligent.. may have even been on drugs or alcohol but the cops sure covered his ass so white it'd make a picket fence jealous. Vengeance is mine says the Lord but I'd sure like to take my share out on this useless, uncaring piece of trash that I shall never have any use for whatsoever except to hope he lives every day in the same kind of hell he put me in.  As for the Forstyth County Sheriff's Dept... The individuals that worked the case...  I hope you and God plant horrid images of the possible fate of their own family members in their head everytime they white-wash some buddy or friend.
    Well it's about time for my shower son. May you rock on high in your Mansion of Music and may this world of trash that took you burn in hell.
   Love you with all my heart.. miss you like I'll die... but live on FOR you. Want to see a little justice done and asskicking take place before I'm gone. I know you'd want and do the same for me. Your Dad/Friend and Biggest Fan Close

For my Dad  / Kenneth Akins
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Another Fathers Day... Bittersweet... full of sadness and grief  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Friend/Fan)
Good Morning Buddy,
     Been a while since I've left you something here but most of the time I can't bear even coming.. so many more memories flood me... can only take so much of the reminders of what was and what might have been.
      Even thought it's the wee hours of the morning today is Fathers Day again as I sit here with tears in my eyes... Got your candle burning bright and red.. always light the real ones for you. These internet ones just don't quite measure up for me at least although I truly appreciate all those that light those because it's the only way they can express themselves from where they are.
     I'm back at work now son but the back isn't liking it one bit. After 2 weeks already getting painful and harder to bend... and with a move coming up in 2 more weeks I think I've taken on more than my body, mind and spirit can handle.
    They  say as time passes it will get easier but you know for me that's just not gonna happen. You were my future.. the very essence of me and my dreams.... my life ended to that day and I just really don't think I'll ever get that back.. nor do I feel I deserve it back. I lost the most precious thing in the world to me and no special day or occasion is gonna bring me any kind of pleasure.. only more tears of what might have been with and for you in the living.
    The only gift God could give me tomorrow that would even come close to making me smile would be you. If he can't do that which I'm sure he won't...... then it's not just another day but an especially bitter and painful day.  I've found nothing here in this world means a damn thing without you to enjoy it with and Fathers day is for those that have their kids... not those that have lost them. Every holiday, birthday.... etc.. is pure hell now and I loathe and dread every one since you've been gone.
    All I ask is that you reach down and touch me in some way. Help me , guide me, allow me to open up and let God maybe show me somehow the justification in this tragedy because if he can't then there's not much I can do for him either after all that's been taken. I have nothing left to give to anyone or anything but all my love to you my beautiful precious son. After all it was you that made me a father and it's you I cling to as bleed the tears of the emotionally torn....
     Just know I'm with you and can't wait to join you. There's nothing here on this earth that would hold me one second from your side if the way was made right now.  I welcome death.... because death is what I was dealt.  Just as I welcomed life when you were born into the world.
   Your Dad..... your friend and biggest fant til time doth end. Close

Son We Love You And Miss You. 6/15/06  / Sheila Angel Kenneth Mom

Please Don't Mourn For Me; I'm Still Here, Though You Don't See Me. I'm Right By Your Side Each Night And Day And Within Your Heart I Long To Stay. My body Is Gone But I'm Always Near. I'm Everything You Feel, See, Or Hear. My Spirit Is Free, But I'll Never Depart As Long As You Keep Me Alive In Your Heart. I'll Never Wander Out Of Your Sight. I'm The Brightest Star On A Summer Night. I'm The Colorful Leaves When Fall Comes Around. And The Pure White Snow That Blankets The Ground. I'm The Beautiful Flowers Of Which You're So Fond, The Clear, Cool Water In A Quiet Pond. I'm The First Bright Blossom You'll See In The Spring; The First Warm Raindrop That April Will Bring. When You Start Thinking There's No One To Love You. You Can Talk To Me Through The Lord Above You. I'll Whisper My Answer Through The Leaves On The Trees. And You'll Feel My Presence In The Soft Summer Breeze. I'm The Hot Salty Tears That Flow When You Weep And The Beautiful Dreams That Come While You Sleep I'm The Smile You See On A Baby's Face. Just Look For Me, Mom, I'm Every Place!

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Good Morning Son  / Lanier Akins (Dad/Buddy/Fan)
Good Morning Buddy,
     About 11 a-m as I get the new puppies squared away... too bad about Dixie getting ran over.. Miss that dog so much. She came into the home just as you left it. You only saw a little puppy but she sure grew into a very unique dog. You'd have loved her too I'm sure.
    The new ones are from the same litter.... half boxer and half something else... we won't know but then we never did with most our dogs. They're pretty fiesty and mean and I know you'd love wrestling with them just like we did Bain.
   Mothers day is come and gone and I know your mom had to be upset that day... Fathers day last year almost killed me but even Mothers day does too because I used to take you to get your moms gift from you.
   Son not a day passes that something doesn't remind me.. Even at the doctors office with Kayla they had a Dr Seus book we used to read together. Mr Brown can moo... can you?  :)   Crying a bit here as I remember those wonderful times when we'd tuck you in and I'd read you one book after another.. You were always begging for more.
   I haven't done a lot of things right in this life but I sure must have did something right with you. I just wish I could've done more and now what tears me apart is it's toooooooo late :(  
   Your tree is getting beautiful. I have a perfect view of it from my desk and somethings just not right about having to pull it from the ground.. risk killing it... even leaving the very ground you made your fist steps on.. So many memories... the roots here are so deep and it's killing me to know even this ground will be taken along with everything else that ever meant a damn thing to me.  One thing's for sure though son.. I'd gladly have given it all away... went in debt for millions and lived in a box under a bridge just to give you one more chance at life.  I really don't understand why I'm still alive. Why couldn't God take me instead?  Why do any of us have to be pawns in God and Satans endless chessgame? That may sound ungrateful son... and I know Gods son died too but he was sent here to die... He knew his purpose and no matter how much pain he endured he knew the rewards were greater than any punishment they could inflict.  You on the other hand were sent here to live... grow.. learn... and develop into a fine young man that'd truly have made a difference in the world.
    You made a huge impact in your short life but I'll never believe you couldn't have made more of an impact in living. Maybe you and God can take my hand sometime and help me understand these things. Some people think I'm pretty smart since I can fix just about anything from electronics to cars but when it comes to understanding Gods plan and will I'm as dumb as can be.
   Every day I'm at your grave I always say a prayer asking for understanding... that Gods will be done through me and that in some way I can glorify your memory and his name in ways I can't even imagine yet.
   The Lord is tugging so hard on my heart right now son. I can barely see to type through the tears. I didn't think I had anything left to give but I guess he see's it different :)  It's such a beautiful summer day .. school's out and Kayla is at your maws.. Papa will probably be joining you soon son.. The Hospice nurses started coming yesterday and they're giving him about 6 months.
   Kayla's having a hard time too so look over your little sister if you can. God help us all son. Too many changes... too many deaths.. too much... too fast :(
    My back is improving and looks like I'll probably be back at work by Monday if the doc ok's it. I never liked that place and so many times wanted to leave but at those times I'd think of you.. how hard you worked.. never missing a day... You were no quitter so I couldn't be either. You were my inspiration to keep going.
   Well son gonna get going here. If I don't I'll be writing a book :)  Just know I miss you.. Love you.. and someday I'll be with you even if I have to take Heaven and Hell out getting to you.  Your Dad and biggest fan Close

kENNETH THINKING OF YOU & YOU DEAR MOM  / DELIA ALLAN TOMLIN'S MUM
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"HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY KENNETH"  / Johnette MOninger (Friend)

REMEMBERING YOU  

ON THIS MEMORIAL DAY.

JUST AS I DO OF YOU 

EVERYDAY.

LOVE,

JOHNETTE


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son / Sheila Angel Kenneth Mom (mom)

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